Note from BW of Brazil: The conversation continues. Or at least one side continues to express their feelings on the topic. Since the topic of the solidão da mulher negra (solitude of the black woman) first appeared a few years ago, there have been countless articles written by black Brazilian women who have opened up about a very personal, painful phenomenon that in a racist, sexist society affects black women more than any other group, as both of these forms of oppression uniquely affect black women. Over the course of this period, this blog has covered perhaps only a fraction of the material on the topic that has been posted on blogs and social networking sites.
A little over a week, one man decided to chime on the issue and defined the whole idea of the loneliness of black woman as a myth. This writer doesn’t see this as a myth as I have noticed and heard from various black women throughout the country who can attest to the reality of black women in their 20s to 40s finding it difficult to find long-lasting relationships as well as older black women who find themselves alone in their later years. Some of these women simply outlived their partners. Others divorced while their former partners/husbands go on to marry other (often white) women. Others, after parting with their mates, finding themselves alone to raise the children from these relationships and find themselves joining the ranks of their mothers and grandmothers in living a sort of forced solitude/celibacy.
While this writer agrees with the male writer who pointed out that ALL black Brazilians are victims of a psychological warfare that encourages them to adore whiteness in the detriment of their own race, it is also true that it is black women who are bringing this important issue to the forefront as a conversation that needs to happen in order to begin the healing of some of the many emotional wounds inflicted upon the black population since the discovering of the land that later become known as Brazil. The four women featured in today’s piece bring still more perspective to the debate and it is also positive to see a few black men adding their voices to the conversation.
About love and color
By Tatiana Mendonça
“Look at how my eye already is.” Carla Akotirene, 36, is not a woman to go unnoticed. Just being there sitting there waiting, after eating a slice of cake and drinking a Coke, she shows herself to be stunning. The conversation begins amid a syrupy song that plays on the radio and the first sentence it says, that calls attention to her teary eyes, sounds like a discordant note. “I am someone who was never chosen to experience a relationship of love.” Of all the possible reasons to anchor such a hard comment, Carla believes that one weighs more than the others. É uma mulher negra (She is a black woman).
She was involved romantically for the first time at age 18, when she received her first kiss. “I was dying of fear, because I thought about my big mouth and thought no one would want to kiss me.” Then came other stories, but looking back in retrospect, thinks that she was always alone. Either because she experienced relationships that were monogamous only to her or because she saw herself unable to match the image that they made of her.
She still searches for an explanation. “I am a beautiful woman, I have a master’s (degree), I’m taking my doctorate, I have financial autonomy. And the guys who come to me, after a while, they start to think sou preta demais (I’m too black), I spend an idea of force …They look at me seeking an archetype of a sexual athlete.” Her last relationship was four years ago. She remembers to having asked her ex-boyfriend why he was so hard on her. “Because you can handle it,” he said. (1) “I think the blacker, the more pigmented the skin, the worse the treatment.”
Carla began to notice that her solidão (solitude/loneliness) was monitored at meetings with partners of the movimento negro (black movement). They complained of not finding company or complained about the sexist behavior of partners. In her work as a social worker of a unit of emergency care in the suburbs, she also began to collect denials of men who were not willing to accompany their women who fell ill. “Black men, who are chosen by us, had their manhood deformed by racism to the point that a good part of the homes of black women is intersected by domestic violence,” she says, with their way of one who has no time to waste with being deceived.
Today, she understands her bachelorhood not as a place of victimization but of political positioning. “Every time we break with a relationship marked by subjugation, we go on to look in the mirror to take care ourselves, to address these emotional wounds.”
Being passed over
Discussions around the passing over of the black woman came out of private spaces and are gaining strength on the internet. In April, the poet and professor of literary theory Lívia Natália Santos, 36, who teaches at Ufba (Federal University of Bahia), published on a blog a text entitled “Eu mereço ser amada” (I deserve to be loved), which focuses on the topic.
Lívia says that the idea came from conversations with friends. One of them even said that she didn’t want to get involved with black men because they were “educated to love white women.” “There is also a profile of women to marry and another to have sex with (2). And there is this requirement that black women are sexy, available. We were not taught to think of ourselves as beautiful and desirable beyond sex.” In adolescence, she had two brief flings with white men, but only as an adult did she notice how they hid her. “I was there, but couldn’t kiss, couldn’t hug.”
When the professor’s texts were published on the Internet, many commented that this is just mi-mi-mi (whining). That love is greater than the skin color. And that no one takes any more of this story of everything being racism. Lívia not didn’t alter her perspective after hearing that kind of argument. “Society is based on sexist, racist, homophobic, gordofóbicas (fear of overweight people) structures. This idea that love is given in a cloud, that people find themselves for the first time and fall passionately in love…It’s not like that. Love is a construction.”
For two years ago she has been in a relationship, but continues putting her finger on the wound. Putting the black men in the hot seat not because she thinks they’re worse than white men, but because they are her object of interest. “I find that when they relate to white women, they treat them differently. They call them princesa (princess), minha querida (my dear)…they flutter, they’re almost subservient (3). With the black woman, they want to draw a different hierarchy, of superiority.”
Márcia Macedo, who researches women heading households in the Núcleo de Estudos Interdisciplinares sobre a Mulher (Neim or Interdisciplinary Study Group on Women), at Ufba, this is not “blaming the black man,” but “showing that he is part of a perpetuation of an historical process of racialized sexism.”
For ten years, the Bahian sociologist Ana Cláudia Pacheco researched the theme solidão das mulheres negras (loneliness of black women). In 2008, she defended her thesis Branca para casar, mulata para f…. e negra para trabalhar: escolhas afetivas e significados de solidão entre mulheres negras em Salvador (White woman for marriage, mulata for fucking and black women for work: affective choices and meanings of loneliness among black women in Salvador) at Unicamp (University of Campinas). Besides pointing out historical causes for the problem – that passes through polygyny in Africa and slavery in Brazil, the researcher shows how black women over the decades marry less and later than white women and how intermarriage happens more often between black men and white women than the reverse.
Policy of vindication
In 2013, the work turned into the book Mulher negra: afetividade e solidão (Black Woman: affectivity and loneliness) (Edufba). “What I realized in the narratives of the women I talked to is that the blacker, with the most accented characteristics – wider nose, cabelo mais crespo (kinkier hair), a more rounded body – the greater the rejection of partners.”
In Salvador, 32% of white women over 20 are married and living with their husbands, compared with 22% of black women, according to the 2010 Census. In Brazil, the figures range from 43% (white) and 30% (black).
Ana Cláudia, who teaches at Uneb, believes it is important to demarcate the vindication of marriage claim as a political position, the similarity of what happens to the LGBT population, but not worry about putting solitude in a place of victimization. “These women have gone through terrible stories in adolescence, but throughout life rework their experiences, are strengthened with education, work, friendship networks, religion.”
The researcher is “delighted” with the fact that all this discussion is coming up, but recognizes that the subject remains taboo even among organizations of the movimento negro, considered by some chauvinistic. Carla says that she has ceased to attend “mixed” spaces (with men and women) after she fell into the “blunder of sleeping” with a leader. “On the day of a meeting, he turned and said, ‘Feminists show off so much and ended up in whose bed?’”. Sought after by many, some leaders refused to speak, but there were also those who were willing to dialogue.
Jeronimo da Silva, one of the national directors of UNEGRO, says he has discussed the issue in the organization, but admits that the movement still carries “the sexism of our patriarchal society.” “Demands like this end up being in the background, but we are sensitive to understanding and acting more on that front.” During the conversation, he recalls that some militants often have relationships with white women. “In particular, I find an inconsistency. I understand that the black man is free to choose who he will have a relationship with, but fighting for affirmation, why not choose a black woman?”. Nevertheless, he believes that there is an ongoing behavior change through education and reflection on racism itself. “This development is visible.”
Imbued in this process, Valdo Lumumba, of the Partido Popular de Liberdade de Expressão Afro-Brasileira (PPLE or Popular Party of Liberty of Afro-Brazilian expression), is defined as a “sexist in deconstruction” and says he see “maturity” in the discourses of black women on the particularities of their affective relationships. “I think it’s something that needs to be said, even though many men don’t like to hear it. It’s not possible to transform any situation if the two sides are not involved.” He also says that he’s accustomed to appreciating women of his “racial group” but that “sex and love have no boundaries.”
Valdirene Boaventura, 34, also believes that amor não tem cor (love has no color). She shrugs and makes a face of disbelief when the subject comes up. A maid since the age of 14, Val has no memories of feeling pushed aside in adolescence. “What I had was line at my door. My mother went crazy.” When her father left home, she was still a girl. As soon as she had a chance, she also left Camacan, where she was born, to try life in Salvador (capital of Bahia). The promise was for salary and study, of which she had neither. She remembers the date of her liberation: she fled in 1997.
Crush
With her life established in her new job, she managed to go to school. At school, she met the father of her son, a black man with whom she had an eight-year relationship. “At first, I didn’t even want him, I thought he was ugly,” she laughs. Val says that the first three years were wonderful, but then the fights started. She just wanted to get a car, and dreamed of buying a house. “It was me who paid for everything. He didn’t even know the price of gas.” As if that weren’t enough, he would cheat on her and said she had to accept it, because no man would want to stay with her. One day, after suffering an aggression, Val decided to separate (from him).
She spent a time single until getting involved with another man, also black, but the relationship did not last long. “He drank and thought he was the owner of the piece. Once he insisted that we practice sex in the room with my son at home. I said that I wouldn’t do that. It was humiliating … I decided to end it.”
After a few years, Val got another boyfriend. This was a “branquinho” (white boy), younger, and said he was giving “virtue” to her, a “nega feinha” (ugly black). The guy didn’t work, was involved with his son and had other women. Val had courage and again is “disconnected” herself. “I suffered in my love life. When we’re needy, we cling to anything…They’re crushes. I still haven’t had a real love.”
But she doesn’t think that this is a hopeless regret. Val insists on the search. Four months ago, she started dating again. “This now is under review,” she laughs. “But a man is not everything in this life.”
Maiara Lourenço, 23, well knows they’re not. The psychology student is the daughter of a white mother and a black father. When he died, she was only 9 years old. She grew up surrounded by her mother’s family, all white, and she herself didn’t see herself as black. At school, she felt she was different, but did not understand why. “I hung out with people who were on the margin of the standard, you know? Each one due to a different characteristic.” In adolescence, she didn’t engage or even date. She even made out with some guys, but only at parties, “those type like ‘shut up and kiss me now.'”
When Maiara vented with friends, she heard that needed to be more open and not choose so much. It was only in a college group, the Liga de Relações Raciais (LAR or League of Race Relations), of which she began to participate this year, that the student began to hear stories like hers and thinking it couldn’t be just coincidence. The discovery was welcoming, but also harrowing. “I’m still between shock and empowerment.”
For four years ago, she’s been dating a white woman, his first serious relationship, experiencing the joys and humiliations of sharing life with someone. Her world got blacker, whiter, more colorful. For Márcia, of Neim, the path is really this, not having a “monochromatic” reading of life. “We live in a ‘romantic comedy’ society, which emphasizes the nuclear family, marriage. But you must remember that not all women want a relationship. For many, being single is an achievement.”
Source: A Tarde
Note
- Note here that black women are stereotyped and treated as if they can endure harsh treatment in relationships in the same manner in that they are perceived to be more “resistant to pain” in terms of medical issues they are perceived to be more “resistant to pain” in terms of medical issues.
- An apparent reference to the still popular ideology that says “white women are for marriage, mulatas for fucking and black women for work.”
- Another common complaint among black women. See here for example.
While I know that a lot of Black people seek relationships with people of another race, I’d say that the majority of Blacks seek relationships with other Blacks! Famous Black people only represent a minority of the Black people in the Black Brazilian population. When I walk around Black majority places in Brazil, the overwhelming makeup of Black relationships appear to be between a Black woman and Black man. I would like to see more articles that talk about the average Brazilian Black person too! The truth (seems to be) that they are NOT, in fact, running out en masse to get with people of the opposite race – particularly in places where educated Black women have more access to equally educated Black men and vice versa! When I walk around my city, Black men seem to have no problem approaching me to try to know me. I would say that we must stop overvaluing white people and seeing ourselves ONLY as we relate to them! It is blinding us and keeping us sick as a populace. Rather than looking at Pele’s relationships with white women, why not also shine a spotlight on the majority who prefer relationships with other Black people?
Hey Bama!
Nice comments again although I don’t fully agree with everything. In the same manner that I responded to Amon, I say the same to you. Futebol players and pagodeiros are but a representation of the mentality among black Brazilians as a whole. It’s like taking a cup of water out of a pool. It is but a sample of the whole.
My point is, these same men come out of poverty and have a desire for whiteness. Simply because the majority are married to pretas and pardas doesn’t mean this is what they desire. How many, given the chance and money, would end those relationships and put a ring on a blond? We’re not dealing here with just what numbers say, we’re dealing with the overall mental/emotional state of the black population that has been conditioned to prefer whiteness.
How many stories have we heard in which “he dated black when he was poor” but “traded up” at the first opportunity? Numerous sociologists have written about this since the 1950s. It’s a fact.
It terms of couples in black majority cities/states, I think this is also weak example. Why? Because in the southeast where blacks are not the majority you see HUGE amounts of black people with white people on their arm. Which tells me, black majorities date mostly black because there simply enough whites to go around. In my view, if Brazil were to import say, 20 million more whites, the black population would probably become extremely whitened, white or close to white within a few generations.
@ Gatas –
But why do you assume that they do not “truly” want “pretas/pardas/etc.” if that is what they have chosen? And isn’t it possible to fall in love with a person that you did not previously see as your “type”? These days also, you have a HUGE movement of Black Brazilians back into their Black consciousness, and many of them – including the men – are not necessarily looking just for white chicks. And from what I have observed, a LOOOOOOT of these white chicks campaign HARD for that Black d*ck once there is some money attached to it! Same for white dudes here with famous or rich Black women. It is not uncommon to want to be with someone of a similar social class – particularly if you are a woman (because the male ego generally cannot handle it when women are more successful).
Also, in the places where the Blacks are NOT the majority, one could also argue that, as one moves up the social ladder, there simply are not as many other Blacks to choose from (the same way that in Black majority places, there would more likely be more Black people available across the social spectrum).
I think a lot of who Black Brazilians date has a LOT to do with their social class and who they have access to. I have not spent a lot of time in the south, so I cannot speak intelligently about what they do in those places. However, In the north and northeast, it seams to me that these Black men are just fine with their black women. How can we truly know what these men “really want if there were more white women for them to choose from?” Isn’t this self defeating and paranoid thinking? If the majority of Black Brazilian men and women are actually choosing each other (as they do in the US – even the rich ones), why not accept that? Again, how can you know what these men and women REALLY want? And aren’t there bound to be single men and women in the world?
Based upon my own experience here (and that’s all I can speak with 100% knowledge about) I feel VERY appreciated by the Black Brazilian men that i come into contact with in my city and when I travel around – even when I am in Bahia! I am nowhere near light skinned and my hair is nappy and I have a big booty. These men are not approaching me as if I am a prostitute to f*ck for the night. They want to talk and hang out if I’ve got the time. Many of them are looking for relationships, but they are not thirsty and desperate! I cannot believe that ALL these men that i have met during my time here are just biding their time talking to me until a white chick comes along. I would think that they just would not even bother at all…
Anyway, when we are in the grips of low self esteem and self doubt, the whole world is our enemy and it can never feed us enough. But when we begin to know that we ARE good enough, just as we are, not surprisingly, the world seems to reflect that back to us.
Thanks for the dialogue!
Hey Bama!!
Great dialogue as always. Here’s my responses….
“why do you assume that they do not “truly” want “pretas/pardas/etc.””
There is obviously no way to know for absolute certain all of the reasons that millions of couples are together. I am simply saying that throughout Latin America, the Caribbean and even Europe, we see that blacks are conditioned to appreciate whiteness. It’s not really something we can deny. But I am basing my comments on the many black women I’ve spoken with, the various comments I’ve read in social networks on the topic. There’s simply too many women (some from the northeast as the latest article showed) sharing the same experiences to ignore this.
“isn’t it possible to fall in love with a person that you did not previously see as your “type”?”
Of course it is! But what I see and from what I’m getting, many black men make it very obvious that black women are not their preference when they seek a serious relationship.
“a LOOOOOOT of these white chicks campaign HARD for that Black d*ck once there is some money attached to it!”
No doubt! Seen this in Brazil and the US!!
“It is not uncommon to want to be with someone of a similar social class”
True, but we also have the (quite common) situation in which formerly poor black men want to “move up” and actually take white women from lower social status just because she’s white. I’ve seen this often. I’ve seen white women who have proclaimed they would NEVER date/marry a black man…until she discovers he has money. There’s actually a post on the blog about this with white women stating this openly.
“as one moves up the social ladder, there simply are not as many other Blacks to choose from”
Agreed. But in the scenario we are in, wouldn’t it be better that each one pull one up with them? There are increasing numbers of blacks in universities now. The question is the will.
“How can we truly know what these men “really want if there were more white women for them to choose from?””
Again, we can’t. I base this idea on the adoration of whiteness and that’s how I see it would pan out if it ever happened.
“If the majority of Black Brazilian men and women are actually choosing each other (as they do in the US – even the rich ones)”
Well, on this majority, I’ve already discussed why these numbers (as a whole) don’t tell the whole story. And also, rich blacks may marry other blacks in the US, but I’m almost certain this is NOT the case in Brazil.
“These men are not approaching me as if I am a prostitute to f*ck for the night.”
That’s cool! Who knows what’s going on there. Of course they could truly want to know you. But I also have two cases of black American female friends who were exploited by black Brazilian men. It’s always possible that these men have ulterior motives when they know you’re a foreigner. Not saying it’s the case but it can’t be ruled out. Numerous black Brazilian women have shared how these men make it obvious they are only interested in a “f*ck buddy” or something temporary. No one can speak for all, but these are their experiences. We can’t pretend these realities don’t exist.
Most Black women in Brazil are single. Yes this is True
But Most Black men in Brazil are also single. Especially poor black men.
Most people in Brazil regardless of race are single. Not to take away from this post or the concept of “O Solidao da Negra” but I have heard these very same arguments from Black Feminists in my own community and country. So I know that this argument is coming from a Black Feminist perspective.
Here is my challenge to this. I would ask how many Black women in Brazil are emotionally stable enough to have a partner and reciprocate a loving relationship?
Now I always here the argument that black men in college or black men of high status are more likely to date a white woman. I personally reject this notion due to the federal stats that state the majority of black men(70%) regardless of status are married to black and parda women. Now in this case many will say that parda women aren’t real black women in response but that is another discussion for another time.
If we run with the claim that the majority of wealthy black pagode players and football stars that seek black women represent the masses of black men all across the entire country of Brazil, I ask how many black women in brazil are willing to date a man from the favela or the periphery? How many black women actually seek out a man that has less than they have? I would venture to say little to none. I would assume that these black men are avoided like the plague.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting a man with money and status on your arms. But if we are going to perpetuate the myth that no one wants black women and that black women are meant to be alone, this would be a lie. When there are poor and lower class black men who never get attention just because of the fact that they lack money and status it is not right to say that these men don’t want a black woman when many of them will never get a chance in their life to date a white woman.
If we are going to ignore all of this, we are simply being flat out dishonest about the reality of love and relationships in Brazil.
Correction: The wealthy pagode players and football stars that seek *White women* are not at all representative of the masses of black men in Brazil.
Coming from a black feminist perspective doesn’t necessarily make their argument false.Black women have taken up feminism to protect and empower themselves as BM can’t and/or won’t protect BW.
BM are often powerless to protect themselves from racism and White Supremacy, so they can’t even protect themselves let alone BW. Or if they won’t they see racism affecting BW and they ignore it, focusing on racism affecting them only.
BM are fearful of WM, but often absolve WW from their role in White Supremacy.
Black feminism is a result of BW being unprotected and BM being too weak/or indifferent to protect BW.
Hey there Amon!
Thanks for the comment and good points! I agree with many of your points. In fact, one post written by a black male pointed out the same point in terms of black women not wanting black men from the favela.
Here would be one of my responses.
The black men who go on to be rich futebolistas or pagodeiros are the same men that come from the favela. And that says what? That says that it represents the mentality of many in the favela which means that many of those 70% married to pretas an pardas would most likely marry brancas if the opportunity presented itself. Over the years we’ve seen many cases like this. Poor black man dates black woman while he’s poor. Attains money and status, dumps her and marries a white woman. What I’m saying is beyond the stats, we are dealing with a strong lack of value of blackness and without this the black population will continue attempting to whiten itself and this goes for black men AND black women!
My thing is this. Due to this desire for whiteness, I believe that if there were enough whites to go around the black population would probably come nearly to an end within 2-3 generations.
Yes, the majority of pretos and pardos are married to pretas and pardas, but within these numbers you will most likely find that the higher the economic bracket, the more, probably the majority marry branca. Also within this 70% are many older black couples that have been married for 30 years or more. Interracial marriage has exploded in the past two decades and if you consider the marriage pattern of only those between, say 25-40, you would see where the future of the black population is going: lighter and lighter skin!
Interraccial dating and interraccial marriage are two different things. Just because a white person is willing to date a black person and have sex with them doesn’t mean that they will marry them. It is trendy for white women to date and sleep with black men because of pagode and funk. We also know that white men have been sleeping with black women without marrying them since slavery. What’s new?!
In my view no matter what the media promotes, most non black people will never marry poor black people. You almost never see rich white Brazilians or poor white Brazilians going to the favela to marry black people. How many white actors in Brazil have a black wife? How many white super models in Brazil have a black husband? How many white politicians in Brazil have black partners? I would be surprised if this number was even 1% of all of these groups.
The overwhelming majority of black brazilians are either poor or lower middle class. I would say that upper middle class and rich blacks are more likely to marry white and marry lighter and lighter but for the masses of black people, interraccial dating is simply not an option for them.
Poor white people will marry wealthier black people, while middle class and rich white people will ignore black people altogether. Brazilian whites have this very psychotic desire to protect and project their whiteness even though most of them are yellow brown skinned mesticos and are the furthest thing from a true white person!
The reason why I will say that it is scientifically impossible for Brazil to completely breed out it’s black population without physically removing black people through genocide is because of the fact that there are simply too many poor black people!! When it comes to interraccial dating, White Brazilians follow the laws of hypergamy. They will only marry black people who have more money and status than them.
In order for the white populace to seek marriages with the black populace at a massive scale, the black populace would have to attain wealth at an equal or greater position than the white populace. Since the racist government of Brazil doesn’t want this to happen, the chances of massive intermixing within the next few years is not likely.
This may seem like it is the case in the media with Rich and Upper Class Black people. But most poor black people in Brazil have probably never in their life dated a white person.
@Gatas-
Ok I see you points, Just out of curiosity, have you interviewed Black women who are actively in relationships/married with Black men or Black men who are married to Black women? It would be interesting to hear their perspectives on this issue.
I would say that focusing only on the experiences of women who are unlucky in love creates a biased viewpoint. I am quite sure that a lot of Black Brazilians are looking to marry “white” as a means of moving to a higher status. But interestingly, you suggested that maybe Black Brazilian men have shown an interest in me (a very Black woman) because I am foreign. This seems to suggest to me that race may not be the only factor in this issue. Perhaps they see me as a gateway into a better life (just as they might see a white woman). Class seems to play a great role in this. And as more Black Brazilian women and men gain more access to the upperclass, I would be interested to see if this trend will change over the next 5-10 years.
Hey BB,
That would be intriguing to interview married couples. The couples I’ve spoken to over the years appear very happy indeed. But the problem with interviews is expecting honest answers about preferences. For example, if a man is married to a black woman, how likely is it that he would admit to someone he doesn’t know very well that, “I LOVE my wife, but if I had a better job and more money I would get me one of those blonds”? Maybe in their inner social circles they would freely discuss this.
Over the years I’ve heard numerous comments of black men and women that show a CLEAR preference for whites/blonds. They say these things so naturally that I wonder if they realize what they’re saying.
“And as more Black Brazilian women and men gain more access to the upperclass, I would be interested to see if this trend will change over the next 5-10 years.”
This in fact is something I want to know. With the rise in black consciousness and better economic access it will be interesting to see if this drives IRs even more or drives black Brazilians to seek black partners. I was actually thinking of doing a dissertation on this. Interestingly, a friend of mine who is working on a Ph.D told me not to try entering a doctorate program with this question as academia LOVES IRs!
If that is true, it kinda proves my point. Brazil continues to want to see the disappearance of the black phenotype.
@Gatas –
Well we know that the Black phenotype in Brazil isn’t going anywhere. The Black population is increasing still, rather than decreasing, so any fear of this ever happening is just unnecessary. In fact, it is the white race that is being blotted out world wide at this point.
I would also say that you, like a lot of Black people, are entering/have entered into that dangerous territory of neurotic certainty that, no matter what a person tells you, you secretly suspect that they are lying or you simply have such a low self concept that there is a part of you that REFUSES to believe that anyone could ever love you! Based upon your writing, it seems that you may simply be unwilling to believe that Black men can love Black women, that most of them prefer Black women over white women, or that they, in large numbers, are simply settling for Black women because they cannot have white women. In fact, a lot of the Black men who comment on this very blog seem to suggest that, even if they are or have dated white, they would prefer to have a sista!
I do believe that many would prefer a white woman – yes this is true. But you seem to have made a lot of assumptions about the deepest heart of the Brazilian Black man. You seem to be suggesting that you are simply not going to believe them if they tell you or demonstrate that to you that they have a preference for Black women. At the end of they day, if you have a minority of Black men who want a white woman over all else, I say pay them no mind! Let them go! And to get a less biased viewpoint on the preferences of Black Brazilians, conduct a survey that includes a very wide spectrum of participants in relation to class and education. You should exclude Black people who do not know / acknowledge that they are Black (people like Neymar or Ronaldo).This may give us a more accurate indication of preferences.
Just a side note as well – Brazil is a place where the majority of the population seems to be able to exist in a kind of perceptual paradox (ie, “I am straight, but I often have sex with other men and trassexuals”, ” I disagree with governmental corruption but I participate in jeitinho brasileiro in some form on a daily basis”, “i love my family, but I cheat at every possible moment”, etc.). People do not typically define things with sharply demarcated edges here. This would surely factor in to personal preferences as well.
Indeed! I am aware of “amor afrocentrado”. There is a FB page that is continuously attacked as being somehow racist. But we will keep on moving! And I am very much aware of the couples you posted.Some of them are actually featured on this blog. Wish there were more! There is also Paula Lima and her husband.
White supremacists posing under black profile pictures will always attack anything associated with black empowerment. I would ignore the white supremacists and promote the positive more.